


A Cheesy Delivery

by Margay96



Category: Cable - Fandom, Deadpool - Fandom, Marvel
Genre: Bad Pickup Lines, M/M, Porn with plot except there is no porn, pizza delivery, the kind that only exist in porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 13:36:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10595082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Margay96/pseuds/Margay96
Summary: Wade may have been watching a little too much porn...And Nathan may just be the most oblivious person on the island.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeyyy, I know I haven't posted in forever, so uh, my bad. Consider this a warmup while I get to work on actually finishing my other fics.
> 
> *Update: The title of this fic has been changed from 'The Pizza Man' to 'A Cheesy Delivery' because I absolutely hated the old title but I couldn't think of anything else when I posted it. I much prefer this new title.

Nathan knocked on Wade’s door. “Wade, your pizza is here.” A loud crash and the sound of furious footsteps slapping the hard floor was all the warning he had before Wade yanked the door open and draped himself across the doorframe.

“Yeah it is.” Wade grinned and wiggled his nonexistent eyebrows at him. Nathan took a moment to take in Wade’s appearance. He was not wearing his Deadpool suit. Instead, he had apparently raided a sorority girl’s closet, because his garb currently consisted of booty shorts and a crop top. A pink, flowy crop top that was revealing way too much skin for it to be part of Wade’s normal wardrobe.

“Wade, what are you wearing?”

“Oh, you like it?” Wade asked offhandedly, twirling so that Nathan could admire the view from every angle. “It’s just something that I’ve had tucked away in the back of my closet for _ages_ , so I figured I might as well wear it.” The price tag peeking out from behind Wade’s shoulder straps seemed to contradict this, but Nathan kept his mouth shut. “Why, you like?” Wade fluttered his eyelashes up at Nathan.

“It looks very nice,” Cable answered stiffly. Wade eyes continued to flutter open and shut, a stupid grin plastered on his face. “Wade, I’m sorry, do you have something in your eye? They keep twitching.”

Wade frowned for a moment and resumed blinking normally. Soon the grin was back though, and he was bouncing up and down on his toes in anticipation. “So what’d ya bring me? Is it a _meat lover’s_ pizza?”

“Um, no? It’s Hawaiian, the same kind you always get. Since when have you _ever_ wanted a meat lover’s pizza?”

“Oh, so you’re saying you want to give me a _lay_ , are you?” Again with the wriggling eyebrows. What had gotten into Wade?

“A lei? Wade, this a pizza, not a luau.”

Wade let out all of the air in his lungs in the biggest sigh Nathan had ever heard him make. Which really, was quite impressive when he thought about it. Wade was not known for his patience.

Nathan frowned impatiently. “Wade, I don’t know what has gotten into you, but in the future, all of the food shops here on Providence deliver. There is no need to call me to bring you a pizza.” Wade just stared blankly at him. “Also, that pizza cost money.”

Wade immediately brightened. “Oh, of _course_ it did. But you see, I’m a little strapped for cash right now. It’s become rather _hard_ to pay the bills you see, and I’ve had such a _long_ day _._ Oh, there must be _some_ way I can pay you.” Wade punctuated each sentence with a little wiggle of his hips.

“Wade, what are you talking about? You don’t _pay_ bills. That’s the whole point of living here. And why would you buy a pizza if you couldn’t afford it? And exactly what are you doing right now?” Nathan looked down to where Wade was undulating against his side.

“Obviously, I’m seducing you.”

“Um…what?” Nathan cleared his throat uncomfortably. This…this was not where he had envisioned the night heading. He had a small mountain of paperwork accumulating on his desk, he was meeting with the UN tomorrow to try and convince them, yet again, that his island posed no threat, and to top it off, there was still the matter of figuring out a decent plan to house all of the new immigrants that poured in every day. The island was only so big. Eventually, he would need to start construction again. However, none of those matters were so complexing as the one currently presented before him.

He spared another glance down at Wade. Wade…was not happy. He stood there with his arms crossed, slowly drumming his fingers against his arm. “Nathan…” Wade started, before pouting off to the side. “Come on, man. Just give me something here. Something small or…well, anything really. Come on. Cheesy dialogue is hard enough. Bantering with a mute mountain is damn right impossible.”

“Um…” Nathan stood awkwardly in the doorway, unsure of exactly what Wade wanted out of him. He tentatively offered out the pizza box. He had been balancing the pizza box for a good few minutes, and TO mesh or not, he still hated the feeling of the grease leaking through the box and wanted it gone as soon as possible. “Wade…” He breathed out a long sigh. “Your pizza is getting cold.”

Wade’s face transformed from slightly bemused to absolutely enraged in an instant. “Well it sure as hell ain’t getting any hotter!” He snatched the pizza away and gave Nathan an angry shove.

“And for chrissakes, watch some goddamn porn, you heathen!” Wade shouted and slammed the door in the face of one very much shocked and confused mutant messiah.

**Author's Note:**

> Next up: Cable learns to love the puns! (Maybe a little too much)


End file.
